Writing Question

 

i will upload the paper and i will paste the instructor comments here

Guiding Question: As a response to the guiding question, where and how might the author expand or extend their exploration and supporting evidence for ideas?

Before expanding or extending evidence, we want to make sure that we are fully engaging the evidence included here and spotlighting it in the text. You are doing good work with the pieces you are engaging with, though we want to make sure that the evidence from these sources fully represent them and that we engage with this content specifically. This will help develop your analysis and the connections between your pieces further.

Evidence and Analysis: Beyond including the required number of sources, how can the writer better connect ideas to evidence from sources and how can the writer better analyze or explain those connections?

Your first section contains an interesting point, though more is needed to bring this point forward in connection to the overall conversation. The subsequent sections also contain good evidence and analysis overall, though readers will benefit from expanded evidence presence in the text. This includes introducing the sources and their qualifications. It also includes bringing in direct quotes from the sources to pair with your good paraphrases. We may need to revisit the section on licensing and registration further to continue bringing this point forward. It does seem that we are repeating main points here, such as the irresponsible use of legally owned guns resulting in home deaths and the engagement of the 2nd Amendment. As we revisit evidence, please revisit to ensure that the pieces of evidence selected fully support the points being made with them (such as the Dixon content on page 5).

Questions and Suggestions: Are there any interesting or unanswered questions the writer might expand on in the final draft? Do you have any other suggestions for what might be improved, explained, or better supported?

You are doing good work here. A suggestion is to ensure that your thesis statement remains framed specifically on the research itself, as this is a research report. We may also revisit topic and conclusion sentences within the TIDES formula and to ensure that we are not bringing evidence into either (such as paraphrases).

Project Requirements: Are there any missing or unmet project requirements that the student must address before submitting their final draft?

You are doing good work here overall. Please take another look at format, such as regarding your indentations. Please also expand your title. Your intro has quite a bit of evidence in it in the form of cited paraphrases. While this content is working well, your reader will not yet know who Aitkens is or why they are credible, which is established in the body of the paper. We may also want to revisit the overall structure to make sure that we are not including intro content in body sections and that our body sections are carefully scaffolding the report from point to point. This will help readers follow along through both sides of the conversation and will help avoid the repetition present here. As we are revisiting structure, please address mini paragraphs, such as the one sentence section that occurs on page

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